Rambling thoughts. Lots of pictures. Even more quotes. Still even more reblogs from other people.
Essentially a mess of things that I find interesting, amusing, entertaining, or any combination of the three.
Even though she was a little shit, who yapped a lot, sometimes smelled funny, and may or may not have peed on my lap the night we adopted her, Tiki was the best dog we could have ever asked for. She was part of our lives for 15 years so none of us really know much about life without her around. And although she was aging and we knew there wasn’t a whole lot of time left, when I last saw her on Thursday I never would have imagined that that was it.
Since I couldn’t be home with you today, this is my goodbye…
You will be greatly missed, you little rat… Rest easy, sweetie.@4 months ago with 1 note
@4 months ago with 89851 notes
having curly hair is like playing a really scary guessing game where you don’t know what it’s going to do until it does it and the only way to fix it is to take another shower
THE TOP 5 THINGS WE WISH WE KNEW BEFORE BECOMING AN ADMISSION OFFICER
5. Taking (and passing) Statistics is key. Well, shit. Who knew so much of this career would be looking at reports and analyzing data? What was the conversation and yield rate in this territory last year? What if we meet 50% of their need versus 75%? Where is the EPS report telling us the out-of-state mobility rate for students in the 1250-1350 band who have a household income of $100,000+? WTF. There are absolutely days we sit in our office trying to predict what will happen in our territory like:
But all we can come up with is:
Don’t say you weren’t warned.
4. How to properly fold a bed sheet will keep you sane.
Ours is the one on the right. It took 45 minutes to fold it like that.
If you can’t fold a bed sheet, you can’t fold a table banner. And this skill is necessary and essential to your well-being during travel season. Believe us, your leadership team will say they are going to purchase you a polyester banner because it will resist stains, won’t wrinkle, blah, blah, blah. It’s really because those banners are dirt cheap, and it’s entertaining watching you try to fold it.
Imagine trying to steer a herd of small kittens hyped up on catnip into a pen with a large pack of snarling wolves protecting the gate. That’s what it’s like trying to fold a super-slippery cheap ass polyester table banner. As soon as you get one end folded, the other has already slipped off the table and is pooling on the floor. A nearby table of veteran admission counselors starts to snicker. Maybe one offers to help you. As if you aren’t sweaty enough, you feel the heat start to rise inside your jacket, and you instead choose to ball that piece of shit up, shove it into your travel bag and run out of the high school gym cursing obscenities under your breath at that inanimate pain-in-the-ass. After all, it’s not supposed to wrinkle.
And what happens the next day? You get to your visit, having let go of all the anger and frustration from the previous evening, pull out the banner and…
3. Having parents who cook well will destroy you. We luckily had a mother who cooked almost every single night growing up. We’re not talking beanie-weenies and macaroni casserole. Legitimate meals. Restaurant-esque meals. Meals we bragged about for years to friends, significant others, anyone who would listen. College and the lack of edible food was an incredibly tough adjustment. When we graduated from college and took our first full-time job in the Admission Office, we thought we were home-free. Promised Land, We Are Home. Bring on the high quality meals.
Fast forward to our first travel season. Growing up, “soup and sandwich night” was not a thing in our house. So imagine our surprise when “
soup andsandwich night” became a thing FOR THREE STRAIGHT MONTHS. We’d walk into a fair, see the familiar unclothed table with unmarked, white cardboard boxes and stark, unimaginative signs proclaiming that one stack was “Turkey” and the next was “Beef”.
Those dreary signs weren’t lying - we had to adjust to two pieces of cold bread with some lukewarm magazine-thick turkey being how we defined “dinner”. Exciting days were when we received a tomato slice or lettuce. Even better days were when the tomato and lettuce were edible. We’re glad to show you the drug store receipts from our first travel season: anyone who invested in Proctor & Gambel (therefore indirectly investing in Pepto Bismol) probably noticed a little spike in their portfolio. You’re so welcome.
We love you, mother amoeba. But damn you for not taking us dumpster-diving for din-din at least a few times in our life.
2. A thick skin in necessary. You would think this is one of those inspirational jobs where you get to see the tangible results of your hard work. And, in some cases or at particular colleges or universities, you do. Getting there is the issue.
A job as an Admission Officer puts up with an inordinate amount of bullshit. Please see admissionsproblems.tumblr.com for more information and real life examples. There are days where you’ll want to cut perfect strangers and, conversely, bear-hug others that show you just a little bit of common decency. It’s a manic job.
Everyone going into this field needs to have the following pep talk provided to them by the most jaded person in their new office:
There are days you’ll want to quit. There are days when you’ll want to punch a parent, student, guidance counselor, rental car agent, hotel manager, or barista who fucked up your morning latte straight in the face. There are days when performing a root canal on yourself will sound more appealing than making idle conversation with anyone, let alone prospective students and their obnoxious parents, but put on a moderately happy face to get through it. You can always pretend you have to vomit unexpectedly if you need an easy out on a conversation/high school visit/college fair. You’ll have moments where your GPS will lead you for the umpteen time into an abandoned alley, and you’ll consider getting out of the car, setting up a tent and starting a new life in that alley. You’ll have moments where you simply can’t read another application without feeling the overwhelming need to weep for the future of this country and global community. You’ll consider cracking your personal checkbook open to cover a student’s financial gap just to get the most fucking annoying mother ever to stop calling you. Speaking of, never, under any circumstances, check your online bank account unless you ready to accept the reality that you have no money. At the end of the year, you will have poured your heart and soul into thousands of kids, and they will choose to go to other colleges. And you have to let them go. The only thing that keeps all of us hanging on is alcohol. So, here’s a bottle of Jack. Drink up, newbie.
1. Take an effing ridiculously awesome driver’s license photo.
Do any of you realize how much that photo is used and displayed as an Admission Officer? Since our home state is comprised of a bunch of tight-wadded politicians that refuse to appropriate funding to government offices like the DMV, we still have the same driver’s license photo that we originally took at the ripe age of 16. Imagine going into a high school visit with your teen self - braces, Student Council tee shirt, making that goofy-happy “I JUST GOT MY LICENSE, BITCHES!!” face - plastered on a sticker. Then imagine prominently displaying that shit on your suit lapel.
You embarrassing, vile, wicked piece of evil.
Depending on the number of high schools you visit that use Raptor or Lobby Monitor, you’ll collect dozens of these stickers. You’ll be required to wear them during your entire visit. Forget trying to put them on your bag, arm, pant leg, side of shoe, back of neck. We’ve tried it all to no avail.
Take our advice: you better look like effing Beyoncé in that photo, or it’s time to start considering a new career.
Not even funny how accurate this is.
1) It really is all about numbers… apps, apps, apps. It’s all about bringing in more apps.
2) An oversized, polyester tablecloth will be the death of me. Especially since it is round and 99% of college fair tables are rectangular.
3) Food isn’t an usually issue… as long as you’re okay with Starbucks or Panera for every meal (hello, free wi-fi). Most of my vegetable intake came from veggie trays at college fair refreshment tables.
4) In this line of work ALCOHOL IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER.
5) Using my Under-21, Virginia license (aka the one with a photo of me at 15 years-old) was not conducive to any good-looking visitors passes.@4 months ago with 32 notes